What A Creeper

The other night I had just turned my light out, laid down, and closed my eyes. It usually doesn’t take more than a few seconds for me to fall asleep, and I can sleep through almost anything- like a rock concert, but ironically, I can be easily awakened by strange noises that others might sleep right through. I was in that short period of time betwixt awake and R.E.M. when I heard a noise. A soft noise that transported me back to a moment several years ago when I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of a mouse molesting a pie that had been covered with foil and set out on the stovetop. The sound as the little creature brushed against the foil in its moments of inquiry. If you ever have a mouse that actually finds something to eat, it will make gnawing noises that will persist until you drag yourself out of bed to investigate. As I lay there with my eyes closed, I heard what sounded like the mouse either began to gnaw on the wall, a piece of wood, or a cardboard box containing food. It was faint. I jumped out of bed and went to the foyer of my apartment to confirm my suspicions. This would give me a night to formulate a plan to rid my place of the vermin.
As I got to the area that separates my living room from my kitchen, I put on the light and started looking around. Of course the noise had stopped, the way vermin noise always does when there is a human around turning on lights. I stood there listening for the little creature to get comfortable again and begin making noise. I adjusted my standing spot every few seconds to see if I had miscalculated the general location- which would make pinpointing it more difficult. I stood in the foyer looking into the bathroom. I stood in the bathroom looking towards the kitchen. I stood in the kitchen looking at the foyer and doorway. Then, as I stood near the doorway peering into the living room I saw my new roommate. The good news? Not a mouse. The bad news was that I had encountered a life form that I had no word for. I had seen only two others in my apartment here which was to be expected living on the fourth floor, as opposed to the people who live in single floor houses who find several each year. Here I was watching like a school kid in science class as this bug came forth and showed his face- or more precisely head end. There were many legs, a hard segmented shell that allowed it to move as agilely as a snake. There were two protrusions from its head which could be antennae or pinchers- I couldn’t tell. The next morning when I asked Lenara for the name by describing it, she told me- adding a sound of disgust, an exaggerated head shake, and a proclamation of creepiness for this something called a “scolopendra”. It is said that the sting of one packs quite a wallop- though not fatal, will probably bum you out for a few days. I shared her disgust.

As I stood in the foyer I stared to see if he would get to a spot where I could leave him for a few seconds without losing track of him. Obviously I don’t want to touch it, and the last thing I want is to try to grab it with a tissue in hand, only to have its business end curl around to tag my finger. I had to think fast. Unfortunately, he was gone as fast as he came. You see, when I first spotted him, he was exiting from the point where the wallpaper cleaved from the cement walls. They tend to use subpar glue to begin with here and time is not kind to its adhesive properties. As it made its presence known I heard the sound that initially got me out of bed. The undersecured paper has developed some curls based on the chronology of when it finally gave up its grip of the cement. And as it emerged from the wall each segment’s articulation point scraped against the paper making a sound that could easily be mistaken for a mouse gnawing on cardboard. The creature’s sticky feet setting down on and being pulled from the paper provided an extra level of sound that made the combination impossible to place without witnessing it. I watched in hopes of him starting a journey across the room so I could fetch my dangerous-insect killing tool. My hopes were dashed as he kept moving along the wall and with the same grace that he exited the wall only seconds earlier, he had found another entrance and disappeared as fast as he had appeared. I ran to grab a glass and newspaper and got back as soon as I could. He was nowhere in sight, so I waited a minute and with the same sound he emerged again, but this time I was ready. I waited for him to get out from the under the paper entirely, lest he see me coming and retreat until another day. The second he was 100% visible, I swiftly made my move. I trapped him with the repurposed Nutella jar and slid it sideways over the newspaper. I could tell he was mad as he flailed futilely in the glass and actually had some substantial heft for its size. I left him for a moment to prepare my mini gas chamber with a cotton pad dowsed with some rubbing alcohol. I slid it under the glass. I went back to bed, relieved in the knowledge that I would not be stepping on him during a midnight bathroom run. I woke the next morning to find all had gone as planned and my new nemesis had expired in the night.
After looking them up on the internet, I see that these things can get up to 12 inches long in some climates, but most around here are probably in the 3 to 6 inch range. I am hoping that is my last encounter with one of these examples of nastiness personified.