A One, Ana’ Two…

I have nothing significant to blog about (some would argue that I never have anything significant to blog about), but yesterday I saw something that made me laugh and did something that I am not entirely proud of. Yesterday was some sort of celebration day. Usually, I am aware of holidays as Lenara has been really great at letting me know of upcoming observances. Sometimes there are concerts to commemorate the holiday. Other times not. On Wednesday February 6 a poster went up in the window of the library announcing a concert at the house of Culture on Thursday February 7. They never have been much on advance notice here. Nonetheless, as Lenara and I walked home on Wednesday, she told me (using her new vocabulary) to wear my “fancy” clothes on Thursday. 

Almost two years ago when I first came to Razdol’noye, I went to a concert with Lenara which I wrote about it in a blog called “Ukraine’s Got Talent”. It was my first taste of local flavor and that taste was a little bitter. At the time Lenara remarked that she hoped it would be the worst concert I would see over the next two years, because if I saw a worse one it would be really terrible. Well, yesterday’s performance gave that one a run for the money, no doubt.
Today is Friday and I still have no idea what the purpose of the concert was. It was not a public holiday and the best that I can figure is that it was some sort of celebration of the Department of Culture in the region. Not sure if it was only our region celebrating an anniversary, or if all of Crimea’s regions were celebrating too. The event started around 10:00am and kicked off with a few speeches. 

The director of the Department of Culture

The head of the town administration (the mayor represents the local government, this guy represents the national government in town)

One of the village librarians speaking about what this day means to her

I don’t understand most of what is said, so I just sit there taking photos when the mood strikes me.  After the speeches the director handed out certificates of achievement to people that work for the department from all over northwestern Crimea. I can’t stress enough (nor understand) why certificates are such a big deal here. In America we, collectively, have very little respect for the paper certificate that if it doesn’t wind up in the garbage can, may, at best, be stuck in a pile of papers for safekeeping- until the next time you run across it when it will make its way into the garbage. Maybe it is just me, but honestly, how many certificates do you have framed in your house?  I am not talking about a university diploma or anything, just a regular “way-to-go” or “attaboy” Certificate of Achievement on an 8½x11 piece of paper.  

The girls bring the next certificate and a flower to the director who then calls the next name to recognized

One by one they come up and get their flower and certificate

Well, in Ukraine, possibly after years of employees being treated poorly by a government employer, the act of recognizing some work or achievement is welcomed universally with palpable anticipation. In one of the biggest let downs of the day, the Department of Culture director recognized librarians and D.o.C. staff from each of the villages in our region…EXCEPT the town center (where I live and work)! Not that I was expecting recognition, but many of the librarians (including Lenara) were. Everyone got dressed up and then watched as the people from all of the villages got called up one by one to receive their recognition. At the end there were a lot of dejected faces in the library. (I understand the directorship got an earful from said dejectees and maybe there will be a mini-celebration in the upcoming days). Anyway, after an hour of speeches and self-congratulations, it was time for the concert performances. I don’t want to be too negative here, but being someone who has no respect or interest in karaoke I have a hard time enjoying some of these performances. 

Part of a group that performs the national anthem and welcoming songs at all of the concerts

Kids dancing in traditional Crimean Tatar costumes

The other issue is the repetition of the performances. So many kids in town take dance lessons or musical instrument lessons and once they are taught a song or routine, they perform it every time we see them. At this point it can be somewhat refreshing to attend one of these concerts in another town since it is different kids with different songs. After watching this performance with my usual lack of enthusiasm there were two moments that set this one apart from all the others. One made me laugh. Once makes me shiver in horror just thinking about it. 

This group always gets a great response. They sing songs with funny lyrics. They are kind of fun to watch.

This group does a decent job too. There are 16 kids. 8 in the front playing accordion-like instruments of varying size. And 8 in the back who play percussion- like wooden spoons and triangles. They aren't too bad either...but they perform the same three songs every concert.

At some point there was a new performance. A mime routine…well a cross really, between mime and silent clowns- I don’t know what else to call it. But, not since the scary looking clowns at the Kid’s Day Parade have I seen an actor work without voice. No problem, I thought as I tried to follow the story as one young mime entered the stage. Moments later a second, larger mime arrived. Followed by a third and then a fourth. They are each looking for a man. The first three flagrantly adjusting their breasts to capture the attention of any potential mate. The fourth is considerably less endowed and exaggeratedly tries to show off what assets she does have. Finally a hobo looking man (think Red Skelton) walks by with a single flower and passes them all by as they wave wildly to get his attention. 

The first two on stage.

The third

The fourth. And don't even ask me what is going on at this point in the story.

OK, I thought,that was nice. Then, to my horror, the performance took a serious turn for the worse. Since all of the “girls” were passed over they decide to leave the stage and come into the audience to “find their suitor”! About 30 seconds later came the moment that will wake me up screaming in future nights, as one of the mines/clowns (the one dressed in all gray in the above photo) chooses me, of all people, to stand up and dance with in the aisle of the auditorium, in front of everyone! I politely pleaded to be left alone, but without speaking…she insisted. Lenara stepped in and told her to go away and find someone else. But my cry of “please! Please! NO!” would not be heard. As my sport jacket arm was being tugged near the point of damage, I reluctantly conceded and actually got up and danced in the aisle with a mime. The only saving grace was that this was not a very well attended concert and I can only hope that no photos exist of this moment in time!
Soon after was a five piece band performance. It started off “interesting”, but ended with me thinking about a funny concert moment. Joe Walsh is a guitar player for The Eagles, for all intents and purposes, a serious and professional music band. The thing is that when Joe plays shows with his own band his true character comes out in spades, and he is funny. One thing that Joe likes to do during one of his songs is call for the entire lineup to play what he calls “lead lead” (referring to the lead guitarist leading the rest of the band through the song). He will say, “…we are coming up to the solo now. On the count of three, I want everyone on stage to play lead lead”. This turns the song into an aural assault where everyone plays as if they are the only one on the stage. It lasts only a few seconds and everyone gets a good laugh. So, yesterday this 5-piece band took the stage. Players of trumpet, accordion, electric guitar, hand drum, and keyboard. The secret ingredient: a computer track that was to be controlled by the drum player. Now, I don’t have much live performance experience, so things sounding amiss could have been for any number of reasons, but it sort of went like this…

The band takes the stage

The kid sitting down has a computer on the stand in front of him

Then trying to decide whether to lead or catch up

The keyboard and guitar start playing the song followed closely by the accordion. Meanwhile, the drum player is expected to start the computer track. You can see the look on his face as maybe he accidentally hit the pause button instead of play or worse, the stop button on a song that was cued. Whatever the reason for the lag, you could see him trying to decide whether to abort the computer track and play the drum, or the forge ahead with the computer and let everything fall into place. By now the trumpet is playing, but sounds a little off, since he should be playing in time with the drum player who hasn’t started his part of the song yet. Eventually the computer track starts, but the drum player is trying to find where he can come in. It sounds like a mishmash of sound and I try to pick the parts out. I realize that if all players are playing together, it probably sounds fine, but in this case the guitar player is following the keyboard player, who is off time from the drummer who is being followed by the trumpet player, but is himself trying to speed up and slow down to catch the spot from the computer track, and a poor kid on the accordion who has no idea who to follow, and the trumpet in his ear is probably not helping. At that moment, with the sound coming from the stage, all I could envision was the guitar player backstage just before taking the stage telling the others in the group, “as soon as we get out there and the computer track gets turned on, I want everyone to play lead lead!” Somehow it doesn’t have the same impact today as when Joe Walsh did it. They eventually got through the song, and as painful as it was taking that journey with them, if that’s what it takes for me to get over that dancing with the mime fiasco, so be it.
The concert portion lasted just over an hour, which is plenty long enough for me. The day before, the staff of the library had taken up a collection to buy vodka and konyak for post-concert festivities. Since Lenara does not drink she opted to return to work instead of being around what she likes to call “inappropriate behavior”. Since the staff of the library never invites me to participate in these sorts of things anyway, I went back to the office and spent a relaxed workday with Lenara. I even offered to take some photos of and with her since she did get dressed up, but had no occasion to have her picture taken receiving and award. That turned out to be the best part of my day.   

She calls this photo "Good PCV, Bad Counterpart"