"P Score": Language, and other challenges spanning 7 time zones: Dinner Party 2.0

If you experience something that has both positive and negative outcomes, It has been said that you should focus on the good and pay no attention to the bad. But I can't help it. Before I came to Ukraine (joined the Peace Corps), I most certainly would have devoted about 90 percent of my energies hyperfocused on the 10 percent that was bad, tempered only slightly in the knowledge that the 90 percent that was good even existed. I would like to think that my time in Ukraine has worked in some way to make me want to be a better person and has changed my outlook on parts of my life. Last year El and I put on a dinner party that was attended by about 25 Ukrainians. I had only been at site for about three months and this party was a rousing success by all accounts- party planners and guests alike. In fact, just last week I was in a discussion that lead someone to recalling a few of their favorite American dishes from that night. I have now been living in Razdol'noye for more than a year. My friend base has grown and, evidently, so have some of my expectations. I thought the time was ripe for another dinner party.

I started by making a list of potential guests. Mostly my closest friends, some of the people in my everyday life, and some of the people who I see only occasionally- but who I thought might at least appreciate the invitation, if not the party itself. Erin was out of town when I asked her if she would be willing to host a party. The size of her apartment coupled with the fact that she has an oven makes her my obvious first choice. I began to think about a menu and all of the sudden, the planning process was in full gear. As with the first party we had, I handed out invitations with the expectation of people coming. As with any sizable party, a host wants to make sure he does not run out of food. How much should I buy? Should I add more appetizers? If you were at a party, how many of these things do you think you would eat? All questions I asked over and over for the past few days. Lenara helped me translate my invitation and we printed them in the library. She is usually excited by trying new things and socializing with people outside of work. She was our biggest champion last time and she reprised the role. I worked during the week giving out invitations. I started with English Club and Lenara announced that anyone wanting to go should come to the library after work on Thursday and everyone would walk together. There was an air of excitement in that room and I was pleased by the reception. "With pleasure", "I will come", and "see you then" were all things I heard from any person looking to practice their English in a real life scenario that was playing out before their eyes. I continued over the next 24 hours to give out as many invites as quickly as possible- thereby, giving the people enough time to check their social calendars. I had written my intended recipient's names on the back of the invites to avoid oversight. I even carried some without names, just in case I ran into someone I "forgot" or who I thought might appreciate the party for one reason or another. Lastly, each department in the library got an invitation. It worked last time, so the group invite was put into place again. As I handed out invitations, some people were up front with me. I heard as legitimate sounding excuses as "I can make it on Wednesday or Friday, but I am busy on Thursday" to "Thursday is my father's birthday and we are already planning a party with him- but if he decides to celebrate on the weekend, I will come." Mostly, I felt the invitations were well received and looked forward to a positive turnout.

I spent Wednesday and Thursday, shopping, preparing, and cooking. Two of the invitees asked to see my shopping list to see what ingredients they could contribute from their personal stash. I was able to get all of my eggs, tomatoes, and some salad fixings donated. We were off to a great start. Erin took on the responsibility for all of the desserts. She made pineapple upside down cake and chocolate chip cookies. When she could, she helped me prep the ingredients for the dinner side of things and we made a pretty good team. When all was said and done, I had bought and planned to make food enough for about 30 people...although always thinking in the back of my mind- what if more people show up? What will I do? Just tell them that I ran out of food? My anxiety went through the roof again.

Wednesday evening Erin and I worked from about 4:00 until 10:00 making the 3 pineapple upside down cakes and the first batch of cookies. I worked mostly on food prep for Thursday morning. With the exception of many of the tomatoes appearing to have been picked past their vine prime, we had no significant challenges. All of the tomatoes had been grated and we were ready for Thursday. Day of cooking and night of party. I had gone to the market to finish the shopping list in the morning. I found (as everyone knows) that the earlier you go, the more complete the selections. In other words, the sellers haven't had time to sell out of anything yet. I got the last of it including a single 5kg (11lb) bag of ziti-like pasta. Once I got to Erin's the first thing I wanted to do, was get the last batch of iced tea steeping. It takes 6-8 hours to make iced tea with my recipe and I needed to get it going. I had transferred the previous batch into my plastic bottles and after a quick rinse, added my sugar and boiling water. The water pour can sometimes be a little messy and when you are dealing with boiling water I need to be careful where I am standing. I use a large jar (think 4 liter pickling jar) to make my tea. I added my teabags and lid and needed to pick up the jar to move it into the fridge. Well, in retrospect, I suppose I could have not poured boiling water into the just-out-of-the-fridge jar. Because when I pulled up on the lid, the bottom of the jar stayed right where it was, on the counter. Instantly, I had a gallon of scalding water gushing onto the counter, floor, and me- all at the same time. I was not injured, thankfully, but the boiling water had landed on my sock and it took me a few seconds to get it off. Now, I had to clean the counter and the floor and anywhere else the sugary water landed. I also needed to get my tomato sauce started. Luckily, the jar did not shatter and cleaved into two very clean pieces, so no food was contaminated. For the next several hours, things went as planned. Or pretty close. We prepped, assembled, waited, cleaned, and basically got ready. All day long Erin’s water was on and off. I don't mean from us turning it on and off, but that when you turned on the faucet only 50 percent of the time did anything come out. For this very reason, she keeps a stash of assorted sized bottles filled with tap water when it was working. You have to pour the water yourself and hurry to refill them when the open faucet does being to delivery water. As the day wore on, things were all finishing nicely. All of the desserts were finished, sauce was almost done and all appetizers were in presentable states. I decided to go home, take a shower, and change for the big night. I called Lenara at work to see if she had an idea of how many people from work were coming. Was it one, five, twenty or more? She reported that the people she had asked said they were "still thinking about it". Well, the party was only a couple of hours away, so I assumed I could take that as a firm "no". On the bright side she said she ran into a few friends of ours and invited them. Lose some, win some, right? I got back to Erin's about 4:00pm. I laid out the next hour and a half. "I need to boil pasta water at 5:00. We need to start the garlic bread at 5:15. By 5:25 I need all cold drinks out to the party room." This was the countdown to the end of my nervousness- because once it was over, I would be fine...or so I thought.

At 5:30 exactly the doorbell rang and 10 guests came in. We welcomed everyone in and as they made their way through the foyer taking off their shoes, a second group arrived. This time of two people, but hey, our group was growing. We welcomed everyone in and gave them the quick food tour pointing out the items we had set out. I retired to the kitchen to make my first batch of pasta. I returned several minutes later to drop my first dish only to see that no one had eaten any of the appetizers. It was as if they were waiting for the host to do it first and when he was in the kitchen, there was no one to show them what to do. As I set the pot of super cheap pasta down (I guess I never knew what qualities "really cheap pasta" had before tonight) everyone crowded around to get some. I ran back to the kitchen to make a second batch. It was done remarkably quickly. I brought the second batch out to serve and saw most people eating and the compliments were being bandied about. It seemed that everyone that was there was really enjoying themselves and the food. By this time most had at least dabbled in some of the appetizers and attached equal praise for those too. A few minutes later our next, and it turns out, last guest arrived. During the party two couples did make an effort to let me know that unforeseen circumstances were going to prevent their attendance.

The evenings get together wound up being an impromptu English Club since, of the 15 there, only four had little or no knowledge of conversational English. Most of the conversation was English and everyone that was there seemed to have a good time. The irony of the food is that a couple of the dishes that I felt were mediocre at best got raving compliments, while others that I thought tasted pretty good, received little or no praise. After dinner we all moved to the dessert area and chatted as photos were taken and people who didn’t have much of an acquaintance got to know each other. I particularly like this aspect of the party. The thing I would have changed if I could would have been to only serve food as needed. The thing is that if you set out food for 30 and only 15 show, it looks like you over prepared, while keeping backup food in the kitchen and replenishing stock can only ever look like you made exactly the right amount of food and only you know that you may have overestimated your guest list. By 8:30 everyone was gone and Erin and I were tasked with a mountain of putaway and cleanup. I still couldn't stop my mind from being consumed by how grossly I misjudged the amount of people that would come. As I worked on the dishes my phone alerted me to an incoming text. My hands were full- and soapy, so I did not take any immediate action and as usual, forgot about it. I worked with Erin for about an hour before calling it a night.

The next morning at work Lenara asked some people why they didn't come to the party and besides the one old woman who admitted she was "in a bad mood", the consensus was that they collectively "forgot". Well, I thought, I have worked here for more than a year and this library has taken so little interest in my projects or really any aspect of my work here, that I cannot help but wonder why the hell they requested a Peace Corps Volunteer at all. It is strange to me indeed. I had been planning to use this party as a practical demonstration of community sustainable fundraising- showing the directors that it is possible to invite people to a gathering with food and hit them up for money, but since none of the management of the library bothered to take any interest in my party/project, I will have to think of other cat-skinning methods. As I walked into the library today, I found myself saying "do-bray oo-tra" (good morning) in a little more of a reserved tone than usual. Feeling that I had been let down by this group who failed to venture out for an hour of free food. I'd like to say I got over it, but the fact is that it was still bothering me. As I sat at my desk, the disappointment weighing on my mind, I pulled my phone from my pocket and saw the unchecked text message from last night. It was from one of the party attendants and it read "I talked to people and their opinion about party was like it was amazing and everybody liked it very much. Thanks a lot for everything to you and Erin." I realize that even though I have been focusing on the negative, reading that caused me to start thinking differently. I admit that reading it at that moment brought a tear to my eye. I turned towards Lenara clutching my phone in my hand and thanked her for her kind words.