Was I Looking At It All Wrong?

Hot on the heels of my internally perceived as failure of a dinner party (blogpost coming soon), comes another reality check to give me pause and consider what I am doing in this country.

As you know, I work at the library. The Razdol'noye Rayon Central Library. A "rayon" is a district or equivalent to a county in New York. It is the biggest library in the area, surpassed in size by libraries more than an hour away. As a library, one of the duties is to provide public information. Our front windows are the place for that. And there is one woman whose job it is to create the information posters and hang them for every passerby with any interest to see. Last week she got the idea that she wanted to do an information poster about me. "Our Volunteer" it would be called and highlight some of the things that I have worked on, what I do here, and plans for the future. She said she wanted to ask me questions and find out a bit about my life to include on the poster. I told her that I was willing to sit with her on Friday, as I was already committed for the previous day. We even set up a time to meet. I told her I would bring an English-Russian dictionary to help us and even offered to teach this computer novice how to find and use Google Translate. I saw Lenara on Wednesday and she asked me why she had been asked, what she thought, some "strange and personal" questions about me. About the state I was born in and my religion. Knowing full well that Lenara had more important things to do, I approached the interviewer and asked her not to ask Lenara questions and that on Friday I would be willing to answer anything she would throw at me. We were back on the same page...or so I thought.

I came into work on Friday with a problem that needed to be resolved outside of the office. Hot on the heels of my dinner party woes, Lenara said "Natalia Vasilovna is looking for you. She has been here many times asking for you." I went and found my seeker and she invited me to her office. I thought it was to start our interview- turned out to be an unveiling of the finished product! A poster sized information panel about "Our Volunteer". As I looked it over, I couldn't help but wonder where I misunderstood the plan. I mean here I was, ready to conduct an interview for the poster, and it appeared that whole process had been bypassed and we had gone right to finished product. As I looked it over I saw photos of me from various projects I had done over the year. Pictures of me cleaning in the park, giving HIV/AIDS presentations in school etc. She even had a picture of me making finger sandwiches for the library's anniversary party snapped just seconds before I was forcibly removed from the process because the quality of my finger sandwiches were subpar (I kid you not). I guess I put too much mayo and/or not enough cucumber. My meat was not lining up properly with my cheese throwing the platter presentation into a tailspin. I thought, "yeah, is that why I am here at 7:00am- to get scolded like a schoolboy because I don't know how to make a sandwich?" I couldn't imagine why that photo was included anyway. Then I noticed some photos from places around Ukraine. Iconic symbols of cities I had spent time in- although I had not taken any of the photos. I assume there is a mention of my travel around Ukraine represented by the photos. As I walked back to my office, the first thought I had was about the interview. Why hadn't she asked me any questions about my life before just forging ahead with her project? Secondly, I thought about the choice of pictures that were used. Surely, I could have given better photos from my personal collection that I had explained was unavailable until September when I get the new computer. Thirdly, I pondered why she had involved Lenara so much (for information about me as well as raiding her photo collection for the pics used) on this small project that I thought was going to be a collaboration that relied a lot more heavily on me and a lot less on Lenara. Not knowing the details about why she was being asked about me or for supplying photos, I couldn't really blame her. She had no idea why or how they would be used. For example, since I work sometimes at the orphanage, Lenara was asked for a picture at the orphanage. Any picture of me at the orphanage. The one she chose was from our Christmas toy delivery. A photo of me standing with a boy I don't even recognize. Whereas if I supplied the photo I could have given a group shot of me with a group of kids- instead of just one. Or at least one I knew! I would have liked to convey more of a "community" feel than a one-on-one feel. As I returned to my office Lenara asked me what was wrong. I asked if she knew what the photos were for and she admitted she did not. She was just asked for photos and she obliged. I then decided that I would rather not discuss what was on my mind for fear that I would be unfairly vicious regarding my first impressions. Not the least of which was asking why she used pictures of me cleaning a park last year and not even make mention of the War Veteran Video Archive project that I was so passionate about until the library's enthusiasm waned significantly. I sat silently thinking about the poster and how it would reflect the work I do here. But, then...as the day went on I thought about a moment a few months ago when I asked Lenara what she felt the most significant contribution I have made to the community in the past year. And conversely, what the least important/most useless thing I have done. She said that the most significant thing was the installation of our HIV/AIDS resource center in the library, while the most useless project was my park clean-up. I know I mentioned this in a previous blog, but I never forgot how our perspectives could be so different. As I thought back to that day and considered the notion that just because I don't think something is important doesn't mean that the people that I am working with don't either. I mean as much as I didn't want to hear Lenara's answer to the least useful project, here was a different community member using that particular project to showcase my service here. And while she also included a picture of Lenara and I installing the resource center, I thought that my perspective had just been challenged again. Just because one finds it useless, doesn't mean everyone does. Maybe I was looking at this all wrong. Maybe the important thing was the sheer acknowledgement that I have done something...anything significant in this town over the past year. Maybe at some point I could even ask her to create an information poster about something that I am proud of. Not that I am not proud of those things on the poster, but I just think I have a different sense of what is important. Maybe I could set up a time to be interviewed and answer questions about my life and work in this town. That sounds like a novel idea.

The ultimate in irony this month is that the people that work at the library who question just what it is that I do in this town will have to walk by this poster everyday and see exactly what I do...and that is an example of some of the people at the library telling others about my work. I don't even need to fly my own flag, they are doing it for me. It's what separates the people who appreciate my work from those that question it.

 The title is "Volunteer's Mission". Hard to see, but photos include: Lenara and I dedicating the HIV/AIDS resource center; giving an HIV presentation in school; working on a park clean up, and of course, bottom right...me ruining the finger sandwiches!